This week I have finally begun to feel better, not amazing, but better. Monday I made three meals to have for lunch and dinner during the week. Not just any meals, but some of Eric's favorites, done my way. Which means fully organic and stuffed with extra veggies to keep my boys healthy. Tuesday I cleaned the house. I hit every room (except the office). I HATE cleaning the office! I even vacuumed under every piece of furniture...which entailed moving the bed and end tables, I also cleaned the walls and ceilings of cob webs. Wednesday came and I made an extra special home-made meal for HUBS. Indian curry, he LOVES Indian food! I had the crock pot going all afternoon. This week Eric has been home every day since he is attending a week long class. So even on the days that he has to go back to the station after class to finish his shift, we at least get to see each other in the mornings and a few minutes before he needs to head to the fire station inthe afternoon. This has been been fun for me to pack Eric special lunches and steal moments each day I normally get every other day but its been both good and bad for Noah. All the coming and going has made Noah very sensitive to Dada leaving. It is a big ordeal that is both sweet and challenging. My boys are such good buddies...and this week has been amazing!
Wednesday I had an experience worth sharing.
After a long day, the cleaning, the cooking, the caring for a teething toddler named Noah monster, I find myself in the kitchen cleaning the dinner dishes and hairchair (after Indian food that highchair needed to be power washed). As Eric goes directly from the dinner table to the couch, pops open his lap top and turns on a show I immediately find myself grumbling and huffing to myself all the selfish thoughts an entitled wife thinks.
"why can't he help me do the dishes?" "doesn't he think I want to sit and relax too?" "doesn't every other husband happily do dishes with their wife, smiling and giggling with eachother?" "He never helps with anything"
It took me a minute, and a GOD given minute it was, to refocus. It is the hardest thing to do you know...to redirect your train of thought when it begins negative. But God has been teaching me. And this one time I listened. I began to think about the day. I recalled Eric bathing Noah the last three days, (making quite a mess but hearing lots of laughs too), him offering to take Noah with him while he went for a Jog. Eric ended up not going on the jog because he spent too long in the back yard running in circles, screaming, wrestling, teaching, playing with and loving our son. I remember while cooking glancing out the back window seeing Noah strapped into his toy car that has a long handle on the back, Eric was running and pushing that thing all over the back yard (too fast for my comfort) and both boys had smiles from ear to ear and were laughing harder than I ever had seen. How could I ask for a better father for our children? Suddenly I felt ashamed of feeling so entitled, what makes me deserving of a man that will work his behind off at his career, who just finished his degree, who always does everything and anything EXTRA for his fire department (because he actually cares), who comes home tired but SO VERY willing to love our son, to play with him and offer me a break, a husband who has three helpings of my dinner, who let me take a 45 minute nap and a husband who really, even though he is on the couch after dinner, not offering to help with the dishes is probably thinking two simple things:
"what is my wife doing now...can't she just come sit with me" and "man, I am tired, still have X Y and Z to do for this class and for work, but man dinner was good and I just want to crawl in bed with my wife"
Yep, he wasn't thinking about the dishes because he shouldn't have to. I should take his lead sometimes...maybe I shouldn't think so much about the dishes and think a little more about what I could be doing with my husband and not always for me or the house. Thank you GOD for helping me remember how blessed I am to have Eric as my husband, my partner. Neither of us are perfect, neither of us can do everything, but neither of us should have to. We make a great team and I wouldn't trade him in for any other man out their. Thankfully, he appreciates me even with all my flaws. Thankfully like Jesus, he knows me and accepts me for who I am. With practice I plan to train myself to change my negative thoughts into respectful and understanding admiration for my husband. Don't get me wrong, I don't have negative thoughts about Eric all the time, but what spouse has never had a thought like I did last Wednesday? God shows us how to love, he is my example and I am trying to do better at following His lead.
What are the DISHES in your life?
Tomorrow night when my HOT Hubby is home...the dishes will sit in the sink.
(just until the morning when I will quickly get those dirty, stinky things out of my sight)
5 days ago